Conan O'Brien
Conan O'Brien/Conan the Barbarian, is the talk show host who shot Dr. Stephen Colbert in the chest with a paintball. He stands at 258' 3.14159269" tall and is better known as "The Giant Irishman" . Before his duties as talk show host, however, Conan was a vicious barbarian. This is why he is so tall and why his hair is stained blood-red. He fought in several wars, and is part of the reason America has never lost a war. He is one of the most patriotic Americans still alive today: under President Bush; every other Republican, and obviously; Stephen Colbert. The Bullet Incident Conan O'Brien sometimes has trouble controlling his old barbarian bloodlust, and has been known to explode in furious rage at his guests. All who go on his show or have him on their show fear him, which is wise. Stephen Colbert is incapable of making mistakes, but that doesn't mean that he won't stand up to a fearful barbarian. This is a prime example of his unshakable will. Colbert and Conan became involved in a heated discussion over the apology Rosa Parks owed to America. O'Brien became incensed and then shot Stephen, very near the heart. The bullet in his chest is a symbol of liberty for all, and courage for a select few. Conan O'Brien Vs. Bear Conan O'Brien hates bears, almost (but not) as much as Dr. Colbert. In fact, his studio is often invaded by the Masturbating Bear. In an attempt to end bear incursions into late night territory, Conan has issued an open challenge to any and all bear comers. To see artistic renderings of imaginary matchups between Conan and bears, visit ConanVsBear.com. http://www.conanvsbear.com Bear Update NBC has stated that Conan O'Brien is on the run after he kidnapped their Masturbating Bear. If you see the Masturbating Bear, please return it to NBC. Conan O'Brien - The Best at Jumping On The "Riding Stephen Colbert's Coattails" Band Wagon In May of 2006, Conan demonstrated his prowess as the leader of riding Stephen's coattails by copying Stephen's ideas before Stephen thought of them. While Conan's Late Night program was in Chicago, the band Cheap Trick performed and at the end of the show Conan joined them, donning Rick Nielsen's five-neck guitar. This was clearly based on the events of The Shred Off on December 20, 2006. The entire nation should give Conan a tip of the hat for being so good at copying Stephen that he can do it even before Stephen. In addition, the recurring segment Pale Force on Late Night is a clear rip on Stephen Colbert's famed Stephen Colbert Presents: Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7 - Tek Jansen the New Adventures WHO made Huckabee? Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. gave Huckabee The Colbert Bump, so it was obviously Dr. Colbert who made Huckabee. But, since Conan's prisoners fans cannot let go, here is the actual formula: * Colbert made Huckabee * Conan made Colbert * Jon Stewart made Conan * Jon Stewart created Huckabee Then inexplicably, Conan claimed to have been the doctor who delivered both Stephen and his Jewish Friend, which makes him 87 years old. In the same hospital! Which everyone knows is a lie, because any hospital Dr. Colbert is welcome in, his Jewish friend wouldn't have been. A battle ensued and a winner was finally declared! Signature Characters * FedEx Pope * Coked-up Werewolf * Andy Richter * Masturbating Bear * Cactus Chef Playing "We Didn't Start The Fire" On A Flute Factoids *Conan has a Nancy Pelosi dartboard in his greenroom. *Conan may be the same person as Ellen DeGeneres. Both like to dance badly on talk shows and both prefer the ladies. Both exert a strangely hypnotic attractive force that Stephen Colbert finds difficult to resist, while at the same time unbearable to consider. Coincidence? You decide. **To find out whether they are the same person, they must have a dance-off. If both of them show up, they are clearly different people, or maybe not. *Conan ate five bear cubs to stop the Great Bear Migration into Florida once. * Conan O'Brien was arrested for assaulting a sea turtle with a canoe paddle ** deeply admires and is painfully jealous of Stephen Colbert * Conan O'Brien is leaving his show in New York to host a show in California where he will be crushed in the ratings by Stephen Colbert. ** Stephen now has Conan's invisible strings and he will not give them back until Conan comes back to New York. * In an effort to boost Conan's ratings in his final week in New York, Stephen went on Conan's show (see photo above right) and only humiliated Conan by tying him up in invisible string. * Conan got a concussion doing somthing stupid on September 25 2009 due to this he understood the plot of LOST whcich created great conteversy and a MASSIVE conspirecy theory thank God Stephen took J.J. A Brams death ray as a trophy the last time Mr. Abramms was on The Report. Conan on TBS *Did you know that Conan allows black people to watch his show? See Also * The Conan O'Brien Show * Conan O’Brien vs Stephen Colbert External Site * Jay Leno Sucks * Coco's contract revealed! *Stephen Vs John Vs Conan: Part II, The Reckoning *Conan's latest scandal *Conan The Barbarian still lives! *Conan gets his own museum